


Things Forgotten

by otp_tears



Category: Free!
Genre: Amnesia, M/M, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 08:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4173327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otp_tears/pseuds/otp_tears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto loses his memories and Haru struggles to live without the Makoto he lost. Alternative title: not another amnesia fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's meant to be a short angst with fluff fic. This happened after my friend and I discussed how season one Haru didn't understand how lucky he was to have Makoto and would be appreciate what he had if he lost it. Although this is set in late fall of season two after the series.
> 
> I have no idea where in the timeline the water gun OVA actually fits, but I assume it's early fall since there isn't signs of spring and it's warm enough to get wet outside. I could be wrong...but it's fanfic so I don't care if I am lol

**Chapter 1**

Haru entered the hospital room and stopped just inside. The overhead light was off and Makoto faced the orange light from the fading sun spilling in from the only window. He either hadn’t heard Haru’s quiet intrusion or chose to ignore it.

Trepidation followed Haru to the foot of the bed where he paused and waited for Makoto’s attention. The gauze and bandage on the left of his head reminded Haru of the three days he waited to see Makoto again. His hair would be cut shorter on the left now under the gauze, and the stitches would prevent him from swimming. The school pool had already been closed, but he wouldn’t be able to swim with the others for a while anyway.

Makoto’s gaze lowered from the window and slid over to Haru. Only a subtle twitch to his brow gave away his surprise at Haru’s presence. Makoto’s eyes contain the same color of green with a shade of gentle curiosity Haru expected. They seemed a little duller and appeared more tired than Haru ever remembered seeing, but they were open once again and that’s what mattered.

Haru swallowed in the silence and waited for the expected softening of Makoto’s expression paired with a tender smile uniquely reserved for Haru that never came.

Makoto’s brow pulled together and the corners of his lips tugged downward. Haru’s heart pounded and he braced himself or the question he didn’t want to hear.

“Do we—?” Makoto touched his temple. “I’m sorry. I’ve been having trouble rememb—”

“Haru.” He couldn’t hear Makoto put to words that he had forgotten him. “Nanase Haruka. You call me Haru.”

“Haru,” Makoto whispered his name. “Nanase Haruka. Haruka. Haru.” He lowered his gaze to his hands in his lap and repeated Haru’s name, testing the taste of it.

The cadence was wrong. Makoto had never said Haru’s name like that before. Makoto had a certain way of speaking his name when they were alone that made it sound different—better. But not now. It was rough and foreign on Makoto’s tongue and it twisted something in Haru’s chest.

Haru waited with his fingers balled into fists to keep his arms from trembling. The doctors called it temporary retrograde amnesia, and believed the memories would return overtime. They had hope.

“I don’t...” Makoto gripped the blanket and let his statement fade. “I’m sorry,” he finished almost soft enough for Haru to miss it.

“We’re—” Haru began but faltered when Makoto looked at him. How could he sum up what they were when he was now nothing but a stranger? “Friends,” Haru finished lamely.

“Oh.” A fraction of a smile appeared. “How long have we been friends?”

“Since childhood.” Since your birth, Haru wanted to correct, but the length of time would only increase the frown now across Makoto’s face. Haru had been told only a few years of memories had vanished—not an entire lifetime.

“Childhood?” Makoto whispered. “Did we meet in elementary school?”

“No. Before.”

“Before.” Makoto looked at his hands again.

It became hard to breathe, and Haru’s chest ached. Makoto was alive—and he was grateful—but their history and bond were gone—ripped from Makoto by one careless action.

Haru took a step back. He hated to see Makoto frown. It wasn’t like him. He always concealed his unease or unhappiness behind smiles—smiles Haru could see through.

“You should rest.”

Makoto smiled and Haru recognized it as false. “Thank you for coming to see me, Haru.”

“I’ll be back. Feel better.” Haru said and retreated. He faintly heard Makoto’s farewell over the heartbeat in his ears.

Haru fled back into the hallway that had been empty moments before, but now Nagisa and Rei occupied the seats closest to the door and Rin stood in front of them.

“Haru-chan, you _are_ here!” Nagisa jumped to his feet, and grabbed Haru’s arm.

“We heard Makoto-senpai regained consciousness,” Rei said, getting to his feet. “No one would update us on his condition, and we were asked not to disturb him until tomorrow.”

Nagisa turned toward Rei but kept his grip on Haru’s arm. “But Haru-chan is different. Mako-chan would he happiest to see him.”

“Makoto is recovering,” Haru said. There would be no point for him to correct Nagisa. Once Makoto’s parents or doctor returned, they would be brought up to date and know what Haru did.

“Is he okay?” Nagisa glanced at the closed door and pouted. “Why wouldn’t he want to see his friends?”

The no guests rule came from the doctor, but Haru couldn’t find the effort needed to explain it. Rei said something that captured Nagisa’s attention and allowed Haru to slip his arm free from Nagisa’s grasp.

Rin tilted his head and Haru accepted the invitation. He followed Rin down the hall and around the corner. Rin stopped and turned to him. “Well?”

“Makoto woke up this morning.”

“I know. Nagisa said you skipped school to be here.” Rin looked to the side of Haru, toward Makoto’s room. “It isn’t good news if visitors aren’t allowed.”

“He’s alive.” Haru lowered his gaze. After three anxious days, Makoto had opened his eyes. “That’s the most important thing.”

“Yeah, I know that.” Rin shoved his fists into his pockets. “What an idiot. How did Makoto manage to fall down stairs he walks every day?”

“It was raining. He was upset.”

“Upset? _Makoto_?” Rin frowned and gave Haru a look that said he knew there was more Haru hadn’t said. “Well. Whatever. He’s fine now?”

Haru turned his head away so he wouldn’t see Rin’s reaction. “He doesn’t know”—he paused and finished—“us.” Haru wasn’t ready to admit out loud that Makoto had forgotten about him.

“Amnesia? That shit goes away. He’ll be fine.”

Haru knew Rin had attempted to ease his concern with an optimistic lie, but he preferred the straightforwardness Rin showed in swimming or competition. Haru didn’t want to hear hopeful lies.

“Yeah.” Haru looked at Rin. “You’re right.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru attempts to rekindle his relationship with Makoto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting the first few chapters in a row to get things started :)

**Chapter 2**

Haru arrived the next day to find Rei and Nagisa on either side of Makoto’s bed. He paused and observed the three sorting through photographs and smiled at Nagisa’s enthusiasm and Makoto’s quiet laughter.

“Haruka-senpai,” Rei greeted and Nagisa turned toward him.

“There you are, Haru-chan!” he crossed the space between them and grabbed his arm. “We expected you to be here long before us.” He tugged him up to the side of Makoto’s bed. “I brought photographs from our training camp. Mako-chan remembers so much.”

“I’m glad, Makoto.” Haru’s smile wavered under Makoto’s study of him. It wasn’t the usual way he looked at Haru.

Makoto raised a photo and compared it to Haru. “Nanase-kun was there too.”

Haru’s eyes widened at how Makoto chose to address him. It was wrong—too impersonal. It wasn’t Makoto. He opened his mouth to correct Makoto, but the pain in his chest expanded and stole his voice.

“Haru-chan saved you when you went after Rei,” Nagisa said.

“Oh, right. I think I remember now.” Makoto smiled but his brow pulled together. It made him look more distressed than his smile meant to mask. “There was something about pizza and pineapple too.”

“That’s right!” Nagisa shifted through the photos across Makoto’s bed and found the one of Haru’s mackerel and pineapple pizza. “I think Mako-chan will be back to normal faster than the doctors say.”

Makoto chuckled softly. “I hope so. I think I have tests to study for.”

“Don’t worry about that now,” Haru said and Makoto gave him a smile that was as warm as one expected from Makoto, but it lacked the extra something that made prior ones feel special for Haru.

Nagisa started speaking again and Makoto’s smile turned to him. Haru observed Nagisa’s excited review of past events, with added commentary from Rei. Makoto’s interest never waned and his eyes would light up whenever he remembered something.

Makoto recalled Rei’s first few weeks on the team, and Rin’s return from Australia, and even the maid café at Samezuka. Haru waited for Makoto’s gaze to stray toward him as it had so often done in the past, but his sight remained on the two younger classmates and the photographs across his lap.

Makoto’s good spirit was an excellent sign of his recovery, but each recalled memory oddly absent of Haru, tightened Haru’s chest further. He took comfort when Makoto failed to place names or faces to the other Samezuka swim team members despite vividly remembering the water gun battle.

“The pool is closed for the season, but maybe Rin-chan will invite us to Samezuka,” Nagisa said. “Swimming might bring back some missing pieces of memories.”

“Swimming is a large aspect of your life, so it makes sense it would carry the most memories association,” Rei agreed.

“I can’t swim.” Makoto touched the bandage. “Stitches.”

“Right right, but you can watch a relay.” Nagisa held up a finger. “And I think seeing Haru-chan swim will bring back many things.” Makoto’s brow rose, but before he could question it, Nagisa barreled on. “Haru-chan swims beautifully. There’s no way you won’t remember it after you see it.”

Makoto chuckled again and nodded. “Sounds good. But only if the visit won’t be a burden on Samezuka.”

“Rin will do it,” Haru said. There was no question. If it could help Makoto, Rin would arrange the visit.

“Then it’s settled,” Nagisa declared.

Makoto agreed with a nod and looked at Haru. He studied his face as if Haru was a problem in their English homework. It unnerved Haru to be under that sort of scrutiny from Makoto who had normally looked at him like he was the first flower of spring.

Makoto realized he was staring, smiled apologetically, and shifted his gaze to the photographs once again.

Haru exhaled a deep breath.

 

* * *

Haru visited Makoto’s hospital room daily. He accepted Makoto’s grateful smile he recognized as the usual one everyone received. Haru had been different before. The smiles and laughs that had been reserved for Haru and used only for Haru had disappeared.

Haru brought him his homework and told stories from the Iwatobi swim club, but Makoto’s lost memories on their shared past stubbornly refused to return.

“I’m going home tomorrow, Nanase-kun,” Makoto said. His gaze turned toward the orange sunlight. Haru’s followed.

“I’ll be there when you return,” Haru promised and Makoto smiled. It was still not the one Haru longed to see.

The next day Haru sat on the same stairs that had stolen Makoto’s memories from him, and waited for the Tachibana family to bring Makoto home. He stared at the cement that almost took Makoto’s life and thought of the many different ways that night could have gone. The guilt Haru harbored bloomed anew and Haru hugged his knees to his chest.

It had been his fault Makoto left Haru’s house in the rain. It had been his fault Makoto would rather have faced the cold rain and wind than stay another moment in Haru’s presence. Somehow Haru knew it was also his fault Makoto’s memories of Haru had not returned.

Haru had never wanted to undo the past before, but he desperately wanted to return to that night and take the path blocked to him now. He wanted to accept Makoto’s nervous smile and prevent any misunderstanding.

Hearing the twins’ chatter, Haru looked up and spotted the family. Makoto’s gaze found his and his eyes widened in surprise. Haru’s hope that their lifelong bond would bring Makoto’s memories back began to fade.

 

* * *

The next morning, Haru returned to the steps and waited for Makoto. He scratched the white stray cat behind its ears and shivered in the cold, but their morning ritual would slowly start again. He didn’t expect Makoto to pull him out of the bath, but Haru could at least have their morning walk again.

Makoto descend the stairs from his house, and Haru caught the surprise that filtered through his expression before he covered it with the usual Makoto “sunshine and warmth” smile.

“Good morning, Nanase-kun.”

Haru allowed himself to now scowl at the name and correct Makoto. “It’s Haru. You called me Haru.”

“Oh.” Makoto’s smile faded. “I’m sorry. Names have been the hardest.”

“It’s fine.” Haru got to his feet. “Let’s go.”

Confusion soured Makoto’s small smile but he joined Haru down the steps. “Did we walk together often?”

“Yes. Every morning. You would fetch me from the b—” Haru rethought his words. “From my house and have breakfast with me before we walked to school.” Really, he would watch Haru grill and eat mackerel while complaining about the time, but Haru’s version sounded better.

“Oh.” Makoto tilted his head. “My mom mentioned that, but not in those details. She said since you live alone, I would make sure you got to school on time.”

Haru nodded. It was so much more than just that, but for now, that was enough. “Did the first night back in your own room help your memories?”

Makoto pressed his lips together in a moment of thought. “Yes. And no. It raised more questions.”

Haru waited for Makoto to continue, prompting him with silence.

“It’s weird,” Makoto said softer. “I know who I am, but I can’t remember the parts that make me who I am, so maybe I’m not who I think I am.” He laughed and shook his head. “Never mind. That must sound weird.”

“It doesn’t,” Haru assured. “Even if you don’t remember everything, you’ll still be you. Personality isn’t created by events in the past.”

Makoto smiled brightly. “Thank you, Haru-kun.”

Haru cringed at the kun. He had spent years telling Makoto not to use chan, and now he wished to hear it from Makoto. “Just Haru,” he corrected softly.

“Right. Sorry.” Makoto frowned and looked ahead.

They finished the walk to school in what was no longer the comfortable silence Haru had enjoyed with Makoto until a week ago. He found it unsettling how strange it was to be silent with Makoto who had once filled the space between them with words—both spoken and unspoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru learns he now has to share Makoto.

**Chapter 3**

Haru watched impassively as their classmates expectedly fawned over Makoto. Makoto concealed his unease with nervous chuckles, warm smiles, and a string of “thank you.”  He had covered the stiches with gauze but the bandage still brought attention to it. The amount of class he had missed also added to the amount of attention he gathered throughout the day.

Nagisa arrived at lunch with Rei in hand and dragged Makoto to the club room. The team ate together with Nagisa leading the conversation. Once again he whittled out details of past events from Makoto and praised his memory. But with each detail Makoto ecstatically recalled, it became increasingly clear the major blank spot in Makoto’s memory centered on Haru.

After class ended, Haru heard two classmates approach Makoto so he waited with his gaze outside for them to offer condolences and help with homework. But the question presented was if Makoto wanted to join them in their walk home. Haru narrowed his eyes in annoyance but ignored the inconvenience because with club, Makoto would always go with Haru to practice, and without club, Makoto would always go with Haru home to study.

“That sounds like fun, thank you.”

Makoto’s words brought Haru’s attention back. He had miscalculated habits. Of course Makoto wouldn’t remember the unspoken but rarely broken plan. He turned toward Makoto and noticed their shorter classmate flinch. The taller one frowned and lowered his gaze. Makoto noticed and looked at Haru.

“Do you want to come too, Haruka-kun?” Makoto asked and Haru saw the two classmate exchange confused glances.

“No. I think it’s best we go home.” Under normal circumstances, only a scowl would work to communicate his thoughts to Makoto, but this Makoto could no longer “read his mind.” It was easier without words, but Haru had to try. “Do you remember the way?”

“Oh. You’re right.” Makoto touched the gauze and lowered his hand. “Maybe it’s best I go with you.”

“I know where you live, Tachibana,” the taller classmate offered. Haru glared at his helpfulness. He knew Itou from class and didn’t know of a single time he had been at Makoto’s house.

“How?” Haru questioned a littler harsher than intended.

“Um.” Itou looked away from Haru. “It’s been a while, but I went over once as part of a study group.”

Haru now remembered. Itou had the highest score in English in their class and Makoto had needed help. Haru had declined to participate in the session—much to Makoto’s displeasure, and there had never been a second one planned.

“We study together, Itou-kun?” Makoto asked with an excited smile and Haru suspected the hope he could talk Makoto out of the excursion had been lost.

“Just that once.” Itou scratched the back of his neck. “You usually study with Nanase.”

“Oh.” Makoto glanced at Haru.

“M-maybe you should go home,” the shorter one started. Haru couldn’t remember his name but he appreciated the suggestion. “We could all go together and stop at a convenience store on the way. It won’t take long and you’ll still get home early.”

Haru took back his appreciation with a pointed glare that made the classmate step to the side and behind Itou.

“Okay,” Makoto accepted with that bright smile of his and Haru resigned to the interruption.

 

* * *

Haru trailed behind the three, watching the short one animatedly tell a story about the baseball team. Itou would interject with commentary, and both had Makoto’s rapt attention. Haru huffed and turned his gaze to the sidewalk.

He could easily name the emotion “jealousy,” but the associated ache seemed out of place. Makoto’s personality had always drawn many to him, and Haru had always known this. But until now, Makoto had put everyone else behind Haru.

Haru moved his gaze onto Makoto’s back. Maybe it was simple jealousy that made him feel sick that Makoto could smile with two classmates but still struggle to find his tender expression reserved only for Haru.

They entered the convenience store and their classmates decided on ice pops. Haru thought it was a bit too close to winter for a frozen treat, but he wouldn’t argue any more. He waited for Makoto to choose the blue one to split. Even though a part of him knew Makoto wouldn’t remember, he held onto the dwindling hope.

Itou and his friend took their choices to the front and left Makoto studying the selection. He looked conflicted and Haru held his breath. Finally Makoto reached into the freezer and picked out a blue ice pop. A single.

Haru exhaled. The ache behind his rib cage swelled and his eyes started to burn.

“Do you want one, Haruka-kun?”

“It’s _Haru_ ,” Haru snapped and instantly regretted it when Makoto frowned. Their classmates turned and stared with worried faces. Haru wanted to apologize. It wasn’t Makoto’s fault. But he couldn’t force words past his throat.

Makoto’s kicked puppy expression remained until he forced a chuckle and smiled a brittle smile. “Right. Sorry. Names have been the hardest,” Makoto repeated his earlier excuse and swallowed. “Do you want one, Haru?” He held out the single blue ice pop.

Haru took a step back. The gesture was familiar, but it was wrong. Makoto was still Makoto but he wasn’t Haru’s Makoto. “I’m going,” Haru said.

“Uh. Haru-k—Haru. You don’t have to.” Makoto’s kicked puppy expression returned. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Haru retreated outside. He didn’t expect Makoto to follow. He finally recognized the pain in his lungs as heartache. Makoto was alive, but Haru had lost him.

 

* * *

Makoto watched the blue ice pop melt. He remembered it to be his usual choice, but somehow it felt wrong, and the taste was not as sweet as he remembered. The pieces of his memory refused to fill no matter how much he reached.

“I didn’t expect you to accept, Tachibana.”

Makoto looked up at Itou’s remark and smiled. “I have some free time.”

“Yeah. But you’re usually with Nanase.”

Makoto had heard that more than a few times by almost everyone by that point. As neighbors it made sense, even if his memory contradicted the fact. “We must be very close.”

“It was strange to see today,” Itou continued. “It always seemed as if you waited for Nanase to pull you in. Nanase never gave orders—I don’t think you two had to speak, but you always acted in response to him. Today it was almost the opposite. You pulled and he followed.”

“Because I invited him?”

“Not just that.” Itou finished his ice cream and dropped the wrapper into the trash can. “It was all day, really. Before, you would be the one talking to him first, or checking on him, but today, that was Nanase’s role.”

“It’s because Tachibana is recovering and Nanase is worried,” Sakai argued and Itou shrugged.

“I know that, idiot. Any decent friend would do that, but Nanase and Tachibana have always been different.”

“We were that close?” Makoto asked. He knew he sounded crazy after his earlier statement but it didn’t seem right. He could recall events with the swim club but Haruka was a shadow in the background. If he and Haruka had been as close as everyone claimed, why couldn’t he remember?

“Yes.” Sakai and Itou said in unison.

Makoto looked at his melting ice pop and pictured Haruka’s reaction when he offered him one. Surprise and hurt had crossed his blank features. Why? What was the history he had forgotten?

“I should go home.” Makoto dropped the unfinished ice pop into the trashcan. “Thank you for the invitation.”

“Do you know how to get home from here?” Itou asked. “It isn’t far, but we can walk you the rest of the way.”

Makoto shook his head. “That’s okay. Thank you. I recognize this place, and I haven’t lost all my memories, so I’m confident I can make it.”

“Okay. See you tomorrow, Tachibana.”

“Thank you again.” Makoto started down the hill toward the ocean, but when he reached the end of the street, the familiarity of the area dissipated.

He closed his eyes and tried to picture the morning walk to school with Haruka and which side the ocean had been on, but he could only remember which side Haruka had walked on. Makoto took a deep breath and started with the ocean on his right. If it didn’t take him home, he would reach school and know to turn around.

 

* * *

Haru rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He hadn’t felt like this since he ran away from Makoto at the summer festival. Similar misery had set in quickly after his actions then had ripped him and Makoto apart. The damage had been healed, but it took intervention from Rin to set Haru straight enough to know what he had to do to fix things with Makoto.

But this time an apology wouldn’t fix what was broken or find what had been lost.

The phone rang in the hallway and Haru rolled to his side, set on ignoring it. He assumed it would be his parents with another optimistic message about Makoto’s recovery and Haru’s future prospects.

Silence settled back around Haru and he curled his legs up. He relived his final night with Makoto and wondered what he could have done to prevent Makoto from leaving. If it hadn’t been raining Makoto wouldn’t have fallen, but if Haru had kept him inside, he wouldn’t have been on the slick steps to begin with.

If he had accepted Makoto’s confession, Haru wouldn’t have lost Makoto.

Somewhere to his right, Haru heard the muffled vibration from his mobile phone. His parents wouldn’t call it, so it was either Makoto or more likely Nagisa. Haru rolled over and reached into his bag to check the caller. The Tachibana home number read across the screen and Haru accepted the call.

“Hello?”

“Oh, Haruka-kun. Thank goodness.” Makoto’s mother sighed. In the background Haru could hear the twins arguing. “Are you with Makoto?”

“No. He’s with classmates.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Haru glanced outside. It was nearing dusk. He had expected Makoto to be home by now, but maybe the two had kept him out longer than promised. Haru glowered. He shouldn’t have trusted those two with Makoto.

“It isn’t like Makoto to not be home if he hasn’t called by now.”

The situation felt similar to when they were kids. Makoto’s mom had called Haru with worry in her tone back then as well.

“I’ll find him.”

“Thank you, Haruka-kun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading~ I hope you're enjoying it :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto struggles with his missing memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final update for today. I'll be back in a few days with more! :)

**Chapter 4**

Makoto walked along the beach for what felt like the hundredth time. Flashes of familiarity accompanied him but ultimately led him nowhere. His phone had died sometime during the day, and he could only blame himself for not remembering to charge it. He gave in with a sigh and sat down on the step leading into the sand.

He held his backpack in his arms and watched the ocean break on the beach. Fear of the ocean and the unknown depths seized him and he lowered his gaze. Out of every memory he still had, why would his brain pick that one?

Makoto opened his backpack and searched for his phone to try it again. He had to get home somehow, and he wouldn’t fix the situation with a sense of hopelessness. He spotted his notebook and pulled it out instead. Stickers covered the front. He traced the black and white orca and felt a memory tug.

“Makoto.”

His heart thudded at the sound of Haruka’s voice, but he couldn’t remember whether or not the reaction was unusual. He looked up at Haruka and noticed he had changed into sweatpants and a hoodie. Haruka’s lips parted for quick breaths and his brow was pinched with concern. Makoto wondered if his expression would have been any different two weeks earlier, or if the concern stemmed solely from the bandage on the side of Makoto’s head and the memories missing from inside.

Makoto smiled the best he could with his emotions tied in knots. He recalled Haruka’s preferred name from his outburst earlier and said, “Haru found me.”

“What are you doing here?” Haruka sat down beside him with their thighs almost touching, but after a moment, he slid over and widened the gap enough to fit a small person.

“I got lost.”

Haruka sighed. “Only that?”

“Yes.” Something about the situation felt familiar, but Makoto could only grasp at threads of memories that led to empty spaces. “I thought if I remembered our walk to school and which side had faced the beach, I could follow it home, but I only remembered which side you walked on. Except, I think the memory got mixed up with older memories. I could picture you on my left and my right. I walked to the school and back a few times but could only remember the beach, and my phone is dead.” Makoto flustered and inhaled a deep breath.

“It’s fine.” Haruka studied the waves across the sand and silence filled the space between them. It was comforting and Makoto relaxed. “Are you still afraid of the ocean?” Haruka asked and Makoto nodded. “You weren’t planning to swim, were you?”

“No.” Makoto glanced at Haruka and frowned at his expression. Makoto could tell Haruka was sad but he had no idea why. He returned his gaze to the waves.

“It’s getting dark,” Haruka said but didn’t make a move to stand up.

Makoto lowered his gaze to the stickers on his notebook. They looked worn but not old. “Do you think it’s weird a third year has an orca sticker on his notebook?”

Haruka’s gaze left the ocean and settled on the sticker in question. “No. It matches the dolphin.”

“You’re right.” Makoto laughed at the sincerity in Haruka’s voice. “I think I remember Ran decorating my notebooks.” He tilted his head and fought for the memory, but like water, it slipped easily through his grasp. “I remember her finding the marine animal stickers, and I remember buying them for her. But—” Makoto traced the back of the orca. He felt Haruka’s gaze on him and took comfort in the other’s silence. There wasn’t pressure for him to remember. Or to forget. He could struggle at his own pace.

“Ran wanted my notebooks to be pretty,” Makoto said and moved his fingers across the dolphin sticker. “Then she worried the whale would be lonely, so she added a dolphin. Or maybe _she_ didn’t.” He frowned at the blurry pieces of the past event. “Ren pestered her about using stickers on a boy’s notebook, but someone told them that I wouldn’t care.”

Makoto looked up to see Haruka watching him. This time hope reflected in his blue eyes.

“Was that you, Haru?”

“Yes.”

Makoto thought he had remembered it wrong. Haruka had been a blind spot. “You chose the dolphin.”

“Only because there wasn’t a mackerel one.”

Makoto laughed. He didn’t know how, but he felt Haruka’s response had been very _Haruka_. “This is my first remembered memory of Haru.” Makoto traced the outline of the dolphin and took a shaky breath. “I want to remember more,” he admitted quietly.

“You will.”

Makoto took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. Since he woke up in the hospital, there had been an ache in his chest. He would continue forward and make new memories, but the inability to recall names or friends sank heaviness deep in his stomach. If he dwelled too long on that sadness, it could overwhelm him.

“This morning you said I would still be me without my memories. I think that’s mostly true, but aren’t we shaped by our memories? Memories of friendship, heartache, and happiness result in an individual.”

“Makoto will be Makoto no matter how many memories he has.”

“I know.” Makoto understood what Haruka meant, but he felt like a stranger in another person’s life.

“You’re not the things you’ve forgotten,” Haruka continued in a stronger tone. “You’re still a big brother and a good friend.”

“It doesn’t feel like I’m anyone when I can’t even name my favorite food.”

“It’s green curry. And chocolate.”

Makoto chuckled. “I’ll try to remember that. Thank you.”

“Makoto.”

Makoto slid his gaze to Haruka. He looked as worried as Makoto felt but there was an intensity that glowed in the blue hues that Makoto hadn’t noticed before.

“I’ll remember even if you don’t.”

Makoto couldn’t recall how close he had been with Haruka, but in that moment he felt as if something very precious between them had been lost during that storm. “Thank you, Haru.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisumi makes a cameo appearance and Haru gets advice from Rin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took longer than I originally anticipated. I watched the Free English dub and the dialogue was corrupted into:  
> Makoto: "Haru, dude, I've lost my memories!"  
> Haru: "Whoa, man. That sucks. You had backstroke for days."  
> Funimation has created a wonderful comedy rendition of Free. 
> 
> But enough about that. Here's another emotional installment of MakoHaru...no beta. I'm sorry for any errors.

**Chapter 5**

The night before the planned visit to Samezuka Haru had asked Makoto to get him from his house in the morning so they could walk together to the train where they’d meet Rei and Nagisa. Makoto had agreed with a smile and Haru believed another part of their routine would return.

On the morning of, Haru waited for Makoto to let himself inside through the backdoor. Instead, Haru heard the doorbell. It was at least a small step back to their routine. He answered the door and Makoto smiled brightly at him.

“Good morning, Haru.”

Haru once again missed the _chan_ that had once annoyed him. “Morning.”

“Sorry I’m late. The twins—”

“It’s fine.” Haru slipped on his shoes and grabbed his bag. Makoto stepped out of the way for Haru to exit, and Haru caught a glimpse of the nervous dart of his eyes. Makoto couldn’t guard his emotions as well as others, but Haru could notice even the smallest slip in composure. “What is it?”

Makoto’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”

“You’re nervous. Is it because we’re going to a pool?”

“Oh.” Makoto chuckled, placing his hand on the back of his neck. “No. It doesn’t bother me, and I won’t be swimming anyway.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing.” Makoto turned his head slightly and Haru realized what was missing. The bandaged gauze hiding the cut and stitches had been removed, leaving the healing wound vulnerable to curious and sympathetic gazes.

“It doesn’t look that bad,” Haru said. In truth, it wasn’t as grotesque as Haru assumed Makoto believed. It hurt Haru to see it, but it had nothing to do with ugliness of a small gash.

Makoto chuckled and touched the short hair just above the area. “It’s weird.”

“It’s not.”

Makoto lowered his hand and nodded, accepting Haru’s reassurance with a soft smile. They started toward the train station in silence. Curious what would hold Makoto’s gaze, Haru stole glances at him. Makoto studied the buildings and people they passed with the familiar happiness he had had before, but didn’t fill the silence between them with his usual chatter. Still, his mood soothed Haru’s worry about Makoto’s wellbeing, but the lack of a single glance in his direction only reminded him that he had lost Makoto.

Haru forced his gaze ahead, inhaled the crisp autumn air, and shoved aside his insecurities. He hadn’t _lost_ Makoto. Makoto just needed time to come back.

Makoto faltered beside him and stopped. Haru paused and looked at him, ready to question his action but the expression on his face killed Haru’s words before they reached his tongue. Excitement colored the green hues a little brighter. Haru frowned and followed his gaze. His insecurities came rushing back when he spotted the source walking their way.

The easy smile beneath a puff of pink hair could sour Haru’s mood faster than most things, but the way Makoto looked at their old classmate doubled that quickness.

Kisumi noticed them and waved his arm in the air. “Makoto! Haru!”

Haru sighed and watched with dread as Kisumi closed the gap between them. He touched Makoto’s shoulder in greeting but slung his arm across Haru’s. With Makoto’s proximity, Haru didn’t have room to step out of the way and avoid Kisumi, so he accepted the close contact with the usual glare Kisumi had a gift of ignoring.

“It’s been so long.” Kisumi laughed and jostled Haru. “Where are you guys heading?”

“Kisumi? Shigino Kisumi?” Makoto asked a little breathless and Haru frowned. He remembered Kisumi?

“Yes?” Kisumi’s smile lessened and he tilted his head.

“We played basketball.” Makoto took a step away from Haru, angling his body toward Kisumi. “In junior high.”

Kisumi’s head tilted a little more. “Of course we did. What’s with you, Makoto?”

“Oh.” Makoto realized how strange he sounded and a blush touched his cheeks. “Sorry. It’s just. Um.”

“There was an accident,” Haru said, freeing himself from Kisumi’s arm. He stepped out of Kisumi’s reach.

“Accident?” Kisumi moved up Makoto and stopped on the spot where his olive hair had been trimmed away. Kisumi’s eyes widened. “Wow.” He stepped closer to Makoto and studied the area. “You’ll have such a cool scar, Makoto!”

Makoto blushed darker. “That’s not—”

“Oh, I get it. Amnesia, right?” Kisumi laughed again and Haru glared harder. It wasn’t a punchline in a joke. “But you remembered me? I’m honored, Makoto.” Kisumi’s arm went around Makoto’s shoulders and Haru’s eyes hurt from the strain of his glare.

“I remember parts of my past,” Makoto said, dipping a little lower to accommodate Kisumi’s embrace. “That includes junior high.”

“That’s wonderful.”

The ache behind Haru’s ribs grew larger. Would Makoto recognize all their junior high classmates, or was Kisumi special somehow? Maybe the link with Kisumi’s little brother had help secure the memories. Regardless of why, Haru couldn’t stamp out the ember of unjustified anger.

“We need to go,” Haru said and drew their attention.

A facial expression had once been enough for Makoto to pick up on and dismiss Kisumi, but now Makoto frowned at Haru’s aggravation. Haru could only guess at Makoto’s thoughts about Haru’s outward display of dislike for a prior classmate.

“I need to pick up Hayato.” Kisumi pulled away.

“Hayato?” Makoto asked and Kisumi looked up.

“My younger brother. He still asks about you.” Kisumi checked his watch and missed Makoto’s confusion Haru saw. “I have to hurry. I’ll call you, Makoto. We’ll catch up. Bye-bye!”

Makoto waved and turned back to Haru with a chuckle. “It’s nice to know who a person is.”

Haru nodded in understanding, but the ache burned. Breathing was difficult. He wanted to run back home and forget everything that had just happened. Maybe if things had been different between him and Makoto, Haru wouldn’t feel quite as miserable.

Makoto started forward first and Haru followed. He noticed the gap grow between them. Before they would walk with shoulders almost touching, but now a small person like Nagisa could squeeze between them. Makoto had once slow his steps to match Haru’s pace, but now he pulled ahead slightly and Haru hurried to catch up.

Haru couldn’t blame Makoto for the natural distance that now existed between them. Makoto had no idea his actions had once differed around Haru, or that he had known Haru well enough to know his thoughts without words. To Makoto, Haru had been a friend on the same par as Rei or Nagisa. Or maybe less.

 

* * *

 

Makoto placed the names Sousuke and Nitori-kun to the appropriate faces, but Momotaru’s name eluded him throughout the day. He apologized each time, and Nitori made sure Momo accepted Makoto’s slips without complaint.

Iwatobi without Makoto and Samezuka without Sousuke had a three person relay. The strokes were mixed but it was something Nagisa believed would spur Makoto’s memory as a spectator. Although it worked a little, Makoto wasn’t moved by Haru’s swimming as Nagisa had imagined he would be. His one and only comment was “Haru swims as fast as Rin” paired with a soft smile and a slight tilt to his head.

Turned out Haru’s swimming lacked any memory restorative powers. Haru hid his disappointment and let Nagisa take the forefront with his exaggerated pout. Rei defused Nagisa’s show before Makoto’s obvious unease worsened. Haru made a mental note to thank Rei later—maybe with a gift of mackerel.

When Haru and Rin raced, Makoto watched from the side. Haru could just make out the familiar shouts from Rei and Nagisa beneath the rush of water, but the one he searched for he never found.

Haru reached the wall with Rin and looked up at the others watching. No one knew who touched tile first and Sousuke declared a tie. Satisfied, Rin pulled himself out of the pool. Sousuke was at his side in an instant with a towel and commentary about his time and a complaint about his inability to beat Haru. Rin took the tease in earnest and kicked Sousuke with his calf.

Haru stood in the water and waited for Makoto. He could get out of the water himself, but it was something Makoto had always liked to do. Haru had accepted the act without thought, but he now understood the few seconds of contact was just enough for Makoto during their many years of friendship. Now Haru wasn’t sure the brief moment would be enough for him.

Nagisa noticed Haru and interrupted Rei’s retelling of how he had learned different strokes from Rin. “Mako-chan, you should help Haru out of the pool.” The added wink was unnecessary.

“Oh. Um.” Makoto looked at Haru in the water. “Okay.” He smiled the incorrect smile and walked to the edge of the pool. Haru waited for his hand. He knew the others were watching and he didn’t care.

Makoto reached down, offering his hand for Haru. His position was right, but his troubled smile was wrong. Makoto offered to help him out because Nagisa had prompted him, not because he liked to do it and because the ten seconds of contact would be just enough to satisfy a denied urge. This Makoto probably thought Haru wanted or needed the assistance. He had no idea what the simple gesture used to mean.

Haru dipped back into the water and kicked off of the wall. He heard Rin shout something but the water covered his ears and blocked out the words. It didn’t matter. His chest hurt, and if he had accepted Makoto’s hand, that pain would’ve expanded.

He reached the other end and pulled himself out. Rin trotted around the corner of the pool and followed him toward the lockers.

“Oi, Haru, stop.”

Haru ignored him. He had an idea of what Rin would say, and he didn’t care. But Rin grabbed his forearm and Haru came to a stop. He refused to face Rin.

“Nothing will change if you run away,” Rin said softly and released him. He turned back and Haru risked a quick glance at the others. Sousuke spoke to Makoto with his usual expression, but Haru couldn’t see Makoto’s face.

“Momo. Ai. Get in the pool,” Rin shouted. “You’re racing Nagisa and Rei.”

Nagisa celebration covered Rei’s protest about different strokes. Haru continued into the locker room.

 

* * *

Rin found Haru a few minutes later sitting next to the showers with his knees drawn up to his chest.

“Here.”

Haru looked up and reacted just fast enough to catch his school jacket Rin dropped into his lap. A moment later, a small towel covered the top of his head.

“I expected to find you in the shower.” Rin sat down on a the bench across from Haru. “What happened between you and Makoto?”

Haru pressed the towel into his damp hair. He was cold and Rin’s question was a sharp touch of ice into his chest.

“Is it just his amnesia?” Rin pressed.

“Makoto confessed to me.”

“What?” Rin sat a little straighter. “When?”

“The night he fell.”

“Shit,” Rin whispered and leaned forward. “You said he left your house upset.”

Haru gripped his jacket. “I didn’t want what we had to change. We’d be apart next year. It was enough difference.”

“Did you reject Makoto?”

Haru studied his jacket in his hands. “It was the first time Makoto misunderstood me. He left without his umbrella. I still have it.”

“Haru.” Rin rested his arms on his legs. “Are you in love with Makoto?”

Haru had never needed to name what he felt for Makoto, and when Makoto had put their closeness to a single word, Haru had panicked and caused the misunderstanding. Makoto who knew him the best had read fear in his eyes but didn’t know it stemmed from Haru’s belief that placing everything they had together into a single word could jeopardize it.

Haru nodded. “I do.”

“Jeez. No wonder you’re like this.” Rin sat back and ran his hand through his hair. “But love isn’t a memory, so Makoto didn’t lose any feelings he had for you.” Rin got to his feet and offered Haru a small smile. “Don’t give up on Makoto, and don’t run away and sulk just because things aren’t the way they were before.”

Haru would argue but maybe there was some truth in what Rin said.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru eats dinner with the Tachibana family and there are emotions and stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not forget about this story and I am so sorry this update took forever. I got distracted by another (shorter) MakoHaru fic I posted that was only supposed to be a oneshot, and I had some life events that made writing this not as easy. But here is chapter 6! Thank you for reading :D

**Chapter 6**

The next day Haru waited for Makoto on the steps and walked between him and the ocean as if things hadn’t changed. They didn’t talk about Haru’s behavior at Samezuka. Instead, Makoto asked questions about their mutual friends and Haru answered. Makoto thought about each answer as if considering a puzzle with too many missing pieces, but he never explained his thoughts to Haru. He smiled and thanked him in a way reminiscent of the prior Makoto—Haru’s Makoto. It made Haru’s heart ache a little more.

After school they walked home together and paused on the landing where their paths would separate.

“Thank you for the help today, Haru. I’m sorry if I ask too much.”

“It’s fine.” Haru cast his gaze to the steps under his feet. He wished he could give Makoto the memories he held. Maybe that way he would regain his own. “You can ask me anything.”

The twins raced down the steps and clung to Makoto. Makoto laughed at their shouts and placed his hands on their heads. Haru smiled. He had lost his Makoto, but the twins still had theirs.

“Is Haru-chan eating with us tonight?” Ren asked.

It was another prior common occurrence Makoto had forgotten. Before Makoto could free Haru from what he’d believe would only be an obligation, Haru accepted the invitation.

“Yes. If I’m allowed.”

The twins took the news with excitement and rushed back up the stairs and into the house to tell their mother. Makoto studied the gate and turned his gaze onto Haru. His polite smile returned and Haru fought against the urge to run away. Nothing would change if he didn’t push forward through the pain and back into his place in Makoto’s heart.

“Are you sure you’re okay with dinner? Don’t let Ran or Ren force you.”

“They didn’t.”

Makoto’s smile faded. “Is this another thing that happened on a regular basis that I forgot?”

Haru nodded and watched Makoto’s frown bled into his eyes. It wasn’t easy for Makoto to be a stranger in his own life, but even now Haru knew Makoto had guilt about how his memory loss affected others.

“Maybe it’ll help your memories,” Haru offered. “They told you to go back into old routines, right?”

“Yeah. Which is hard to do now that swim club is over. Study sessions for entrance exams aren’t the same.”

“Maybe we should study in the club room instead of the library.”

Makoto chuckled and the sound matched Haru’s memory of Makoto’s laughter. “I don’t think the club room will help my math study.”

“It might. It’s closer to the water.”

Makoto smiled in the way that softened his eyes. Haru held his breath. It was close enough to a smile reserved for Haru that hope rekindled itself beneath the heartache.

“That sounded like something Nagisa would say you’d say.” Makoto’s expression cleared. Haru’s hope dimmed but remained lit.

“I’m going to change,” Haru said. “Please tell your mother I’ll be down in a minute.” Makoto nodded and started upstairs to his house. Haru waited a moment before heading up to his.

 

* * *

 

Dinner progressed in a way Haru expected from the past. The twins fussed, and Makoto or their mother calmed them. Haru was questioned about his parents and university plans. The only difference was the lack of a careful eye from Makoto. Haru waited for Makoto’s gaze to stray to Haru at his side, but it never did. Even when he spoke to Haru, he watched his plate instead of Haru. The feeling it left in Haru’s chest was hallow.

“Can Haru-chan stay?” Ran asked after Haru and Makoto helped clean up.

“Haru probably has stuff to do,” Makoto answered.

“But he used to be here all the time,” Ran whined and grabbed Haru’s hand. “Stay for one game.”

Haru wanted to agree, but Makoto’s unease weighed heavily on his shoulders. Makoto wanted him to leave because he thought the twins had forced Haru to do something against his will. If he had remembered Haru, he’d know Haru used the twins as an excuse to stay more times than he’d admit.

“I’d like to stay.” Haru caught Makoto’s unsure gaze. “For a few games.”

Makoto smiled but it did nothing to conceal his unease. “Okay, then.”

Ren and Ran cheered and raced each other up the stairs.

“I really want to stay,” Haru said when Makoto started after them. Makoto paused on the bottom stair and nodded.

 

* * *

 

Haru followed Makoto to his bedroom where Ren and Ran had pulled out the video game console and a racing game. They turned their attention onto Haru and fell into an argument of which one missed Haru more and who got to teach up with him first.

Makoto watched the scene with confusion and interest. His gaze shifted to Haru’s and held. Haru could read the questions behind green eyes, but knew Makoto found no answers in blue.

“Leave our guest alone,” Makoto instructed and the twins fell away with minimal protest, but when Haru sat down and picked a controller, the argument of who would be first to team up with Haru began again.

Too dumbstruck to intercede, Makoto watched Haru promise to play with both and set behavior rules that would assure a quieter evening. Haru noticed Makoto’s shock and was careful to not let his pain show.

Makoto remained standing even after Ren handed him the other controller.

“Makoto,” Haru began but Makoto’s pained expression silenced him. Haru got to his feet. “Ren, Ran, go downstairs. Ask your mother for tea, and help her make it.” The twins protested but Haru gave them a look that sent them into the hall.

Haru closed the door behind them and faced Makoto. Makoto’s shoulders were tense. “Makoto.” Haru stepped toward him and Makoto backed away. Haru froze. He had never placed distance between them before. “Makoto, are you alright?”

Makoto’s lips pulled down harder at the corners but he nodded.

“Did you remember something?” Haru started forward and again Makoto kept the space between them. He reached the bed and sat down so Haru rooted himself where he stood.

“You used to come over a lot,” Makoto said.

“Yeah.”

“Our mutual friends would contact me whenever they needed you.”

“You remember that?”

“No. I read through my old messages. You and I didn’t text or email often, and the messages were short when we did.”

“It’s easier to just see each other.”

Makoto nodded. “When I think about Nagisa, Rei, Rin, or even Sousuke, I feel happiness. I can’t remember the connection to the feeling but I feel it anyway.”

Haru noticed the absence of his name, and his chest tightened.

“When I’m near them, I’m happy even though I know almost nothing about them. They’re strangers but I _know_ they’re special.”

Haru swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“But you, Haru, are different. I feel”—Makoto frowned and rubbed his forehead—“sad.” He grimaced and covered the side of his face with his hand. “I’m sorry, Haru. That was rude. I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s just. The contradiction makes me remember I’ve lost so much. I don’t understand.”

“It—” Haru searched for the right words. Makoto now struggled in Haru’s presence because of actions he couldn’t even remember. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry, Makoto.”

Makoto lowered his hand. “Did something happen between us?”

Haru backed toward the door. It would complicate things if he explained what transpired that night that sent Makoto carelessly out into the storm. “I’m sorry.” No amount of apologies could repair what was broken, but Haru had nothing else to offer.

“Haru?”

“I’ll leave. Good night, Makoto.”

Haru heard Makoto call his name, but the air had become too thick. Haru couldn’t breathe. He made it out the door and to the sixth step toward his house before Makoto called his name again and his legs betrayed him and stopped.

“Haru, I shouldn’t have said any of that. I don’t know why I did. I’m sorry.”

Haru kept his gaze set on his house above. “The twins will be upset I left.”

“Haru?”

“It’s fine, Makoto. You’ve said nothing wrong.”

“Did something happen? Before. Between us.”

Haru turned and searched Makoto’s eyes. He found only curiosity. “No.”

“Oh.” Makoto sighed.

Makoto’s conflicting emotions in Haru’s presence would persist, but Haru refused to explain Makoto’s confession of love. It would now only complicate things, and in a way, it was better if Makoto never remembered the pain Haru caused him that night.

“Tell the twins I’m sorry.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Makoto offered a smile that didn’t reach his eyes the way Haru would’ve liked, and Haru accepted it with a nod.

“Good night.”

 

* * *

 

Days turned into weeks and soon winter replaced cooling days. The chill from the drastic drop in temperature was warm compared to the chill left in the spaces Makoto had once occupied. Haru craved Makoto’s presence more than before but had fallen silent alongside Makoto’s recovering memory that excluded Haru at every turn.

Makoto spent more time at home and studied with Rin and Sousuke. Obligation extended an invitation to Haru, but the empty suggestion pained Haru in a way he had never known possible.

Makoto was alive but he was no longer Haru’s to have.

Haru studied his ceiling and listened to the brand of silence only provided by the winter calm. Last winter, the silence would’ve been interrupted by Makoto’s quiet breath or a flip of a page in a magazine or book that held his attention. But now Haru could feel the full weight of the silent afternoon.

His phone buzzed from the floor. Haru reached for it and flipped it open to read a message from Rin.

_“Do something about Makoto.”_

Haru let the phone drop to the floor. What Rin wanted Haru to do was uncomfortable and painful. It was better to accept the inevitable. In a few months Makoto would go to his university of choice and Haru to his. The distance between them would increase. Their relationship would no longer need mending.

His phone vibrated again. Haru sat up and read the new text from Rin.

_“Makoto wouldn’t let you forget him. Why are you?”_

Rin was right, but Haru didn’t want to hear those truths. He didn’t want to admit it was easier to accept defeat than to fight against something he might lose. After events from the summer, he had believed he moved on from such a way of thinking, but it came crawling back each time he thought about how Makoto looked at him and the _chan_ now missing from his name.

Haru turned off his phone and waited for the silence to invade his house once again, thinking about the Tachibana household and how unbearably noisy it would be.

The doorbell rang and Haru frowned at its general direction. He worried for a moment it would be Rin ready to drag him out of the house, but he got to his feet and headed for the door anyway.

“Haru-chan!” The twins jumped forward the moment Haru slid open his door. He readied himself for their hugs just before the collision.

“Sorry, Haru.” Makoto smiled but it carried a trace of the frown he tried to conceal. “They wanted to see you.”

“It’s fine.” Haru smiled at the two.

“You don’t leave your house much,” Makoto said. Haru looked up, confused by the comment. “We’re going to the store for dinner ingredients. If you want—”

“Come with us, Haru-chan!” Ren demanded and Makoto sighed, exasperated by his younger brother’s manners.

Haru studied Makoto, trying to see through his mask of indifference. He decided it didn’t matter why Makoto extended the invitation. “Yes. I’ll go.”

Makoto nodded and stepped out of the way. “Ren, Ran, let Haru get ready. We’ll wait outside, Haru.”

Haru missed many things about Makoto, but he couldn’t give up just yet. He had until their paths separated for university, and even if Makoto was no longer “Haru’s Makoto” the time shared would be precious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> confession: I constantly mix up Ren and Ran so I mask that by avoiding the use of he and her (except for in that one part) heh. I'm such a lazy writer sometimes...
> 
> Anyway, chapter 7 will hopefully be posted next week and it will make everything right once again ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto visits Haru's house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the late post! I thought I had posted already...  
> so here's the conclusion 
> 
> thank you for reading!

**Chapter 7**

There was so much Haru realized he had taken for granted. The quiet, stable nature of his friendship with Makoto had offered Haru a sense of peace. The rift between them had disturbed the tranquility. Haru spent much more energy alone than he had ever needed to with Makoto at his side.

Heartache altered Haru’s enjoyment of the things that had meant the most, but Haru knew the missing element of Makoto soured everything as well.

“We should study at my house today,” Haru said. Makoto froze with his hand on the library’s door handle. “We won’t have to walk home when it’s colder.”

Makoto lowered his hand and agreed with a polite smile. “Okay. I haven’t been inside your house yet.”

Haru let that comment go untouched. Instead, he joined Makoto in the silent trek to his house. Makoto had stopped asking questions and allowed silence to follow their walk to and from school. Haru took comfort in Makoto’s ease in the silence. He was comfortable without conversion at Haru’s side which kept Haru’s hope lit.

Haru unlocked the door and Makoto followed him inside.

“You live alone, right?”

“Yes.” Haru stepped out of his shoes.

“You have two umbrellas.”

Haru halted and looked at the green one next to his. “That one is yours.”

“Mine?” Makoto picked out the green one and touched the handle. “I recognize it. It’s strange how I can remember objects and buildings, but not people or events.” He returned the umbrella to the stand. “I’d trade the two if I could.”

Haru would trade so much for the return of Makoto’s memory, but such a wish was pointless. “This way,” he said.

Makoto left his shoes behind and followed Haru info the room on the left. Haru dropped his bag beside the table.

“Do you want a snack?”

“No, thank you.” Makoto paused and looked around the room. A vague sense of recognition lapped at his feet.

Haru excused himself into the kitchen, leaving Makoto alone to study the room. He lowered his backpack onto the floor beside the table and walked to the shelves.

He knew the kids in the photograph propped against a trophy that carried a sense of familiarity. Makoto moved his attention across the other items as emotion bubbled beneath a layer of unturned memories. Just out of reach, Makoto focused on the sense instead of the blank spots.

Makoto turned to the sliding door and opened it. Cold air greeted him with a rush of something that shook lose the bundle of emotions trapped under lost memories. Without the connections between memories and emotions, Makoto became slightly overwhelmed. He felt as if he had woken from a dream only to discover he hadn’t been dreaming.

“Makoto?”

Makoto turned toward Haru who watched him from the kitchen doorway. He didn’t look worried or annoyed Makoto had opened the door and let in the cold air.

“This used to be special,” Makoto said. Haru nodded, answering Makoto as if it had been a question.

“You were over here a lot,” Haru explained in the stoic way Makoto had come to expect.

“It’s more than that.”

Surprise filtered across Haru’s expression, clearing as quickly as it appeared. Makoto might’ve missed it if he hadn’t been watching for a reaction.

“Did you remember something?” Haru asked with his gaze locked onto Makoto’s.

“No. It’s just a feeling.”

“A feeling?”

“Happiness, mostly. But also sadness. Like I’ve lost something important and only just discovered it missing.” Makoto chuckled and shook his head. “I guess that isn’t too far from the truth, but I don’t mean my memories.”

“Maybe you should come over tomorrow too.”

“Maybe.” Makoto closed the door and felt the grain beneath his fingertips. Familiar but still foreign.

“I made tea.”

“Thank you, Haru.” Makoto joined Haru at the table and unloaded his study guide and notebooks. He watched Haru do the same and felt another tug of familiarity. “Did we study here often?”

“Yes.”

Makoto frowned. “Daily?”

“Almost.”

The amount of missing time continued to add up. There seemed to be more and more moments Makoto might never have again. Makoto pushed away the negative thoughts and focused on the good. Alive with years of forgotten time and bonds beat death from a fall on slippery stone steps.

“Makoto.”

How Haru said his name tightened his chest. Sadness slipped into his lungs and made it hard to breathe.

“You aren’t what you can’t remember,” Haru said. “You’ve spent many afternoons here for different reasons. It’s expected you’d feel many emotions.”

His words should’ve soothed, but it twisted the sharp pain of heartache a little deeper. Makoto smiled anyway and nodded. “Thank you, Haru.” For a fleeting moment he thought of adding _chan_ , but caught it before he could embarrass himself. “You’re probably right.”

Haru returned the smile and opened his notebook. “Do you remember my grandmother?”

“Huh? Your grandmother?”

“I lived here with her.”

“I do,” Makoto said with hesitancy. “She was kind. She would ask me—” He stopped at the memory he couldn’t be sure was accurate, but Haru’s patient and curious expression encouraged him to continue. “She asked me to watch over you. I think.”

“Yeah. That sounds like her.”

“Haru.” Makoto picked at the corner of his notebook. “I know I’ve asked this before, but did something happen between us that made us—” He stopped, unable to find the words. “We used to be closer. I think. But we weren’t close recently—just before my accident maybe. At least that’s what I’ve put together.”

“Yes. We were very close up until your accident.”

Makoto sighed. “No. I meant—”

“Until the night you fell, we were close.”

“Then what happened that night?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Makoto nodded, prepared to accept Haru’s dismissal, but the ache nestled inside his chest pounded. He couldn’t ignore it.

“No, Haru. Tell me why. Tell me what happened between us.”

Haru closed his notebook. A familiar flash of fierceness colored his eyes brighter. “It doesn’t matter, Makoto.”

“It does.”

“What happened was resolved.” Haru got to his feet.

“How?” Makoto pressed, spurred forward by a burst of emotion he couldn’t pinpoint. “What happened, Haru? You said I could ask—”

“It’s no longer relevant!”

Silenced and shocked by Haru’s outburst, Makoto stared. He wished he could understand the emotion beneath the mask Haru so obviously wore. There was something under the crumbling calmness Makoto wanted to reach—he needed to understand. If he had ever been able to decipher Haru, he had lost it with so many other important pieces of his past.

“Please,” Makoto whispered. “Let me decide if it’s relevant.”

“Mako—”

“Haru.” Makoto swallowed. “Please.”

Haru deflated and sank back to the floor. His mask remained firmly in place. “You thought I didn’t love you.”

Makoto inhaled but nothing filled his lungs. “I—”

Haru scoffed and looked away. “It’s irrelevant now.”

“Haru.”

“I’m going upstairs.”

Haru put his hand on the table to push himself up. Makoto jump forward and grabbed Haru’s wrist. He couldn’t let Haru walk away. Not again.

“I love you.”

Haru’s eyes widened. Makoto could clearly see the panic in them but swallowed and continued. “I remember I told you that. By the porch. In the rain. Am I wrong?”

Haru studied Makoto for a moment before he answered. “No.”

“I can’t remember your reaction. Or even your expression. Did you love me back?”

Haru’s gaze lowered to Makoto’s hand around his wrist. “I didn’t tell you.”

Makoto released Haru. The storm of emotions he couldn’t understand around Haru now made sense. “I think I still love you, Haru.”

Haru looked up with water in his eyes. “How can you?”

“I still loved the twins even though I couldn’t remember them right away. It was something I felt that made sense once I saw them again. With you, I’ve been feeling a mix of emotions. It hurt to be near you. Like heartache. I understand why now.”

“But.”

“I lost our history, Haru, but this I know.”

Haru pushed up from the table and Makoto worried he had crossed a line he didn’t know existed. But Haru knelt in front of him and looked into his eyes.

“Are you certain, Makoto?”

“I am. I love you, Haru-chan.”

“Makoto.” Haru fell into Makoto and wrapped his arms around his neck. Makoto pulled Haru closer. The touch burst happiness from the twisting ache in his chest and laughter spilled out. Makoto couldn’t remember when or how he fell in love, but he was undeniably in love with Haru.

 

* * *

 

_One Year Later_

 

“I’m coming in.”

Haru heard Makoto’s warning and lifted his head out of the water. He caught Makoto’s smile and matched it.

“You let me sleep in,” Makoto chastised with amusement rather than anger.

“You don’t have class today,” Haru defended with his chin touching the water. The tub in their Tokyo apartment was just the right size.

“But you do.” Makoto leaned down and offered Haru his hand. “Let’s eat breakfast together, Haru-chan.”

Haru smiled and let Makoto pull him up, out, and into a tender kiss that carried their every moment they spent falling in love with each other—some remembered, but most forgotten. They didn’t need every memory to know where they belonged.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr: otp-tears.tumblr.com


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